Parts of this post have been hiding in my drafts for a few months, I honestly thought it had been posted but oh well. I decided to keep the parts from the original post and then move on to whats happening right now….

So let’s jump in, the good, the bad, and the in-between.

The Good Times

Here is where the original post was planned to begin, in October of 2019 —
“This past month I got to travel to Ceder City Utah to visit my best friend and attend SUU’s Annual Halloween Party. We had an absolute blast! I got to see fall colors too! During the weekend we wen’t on a few adventures up into the mountains and took some fun pictures as well. It was a wonderful time.”
It was so much fun, I loved getting to hang out with my bestie of 15 years (oh my god how time goes by!!!) It was good to see her again after her stay overseas. Honestly, it’s amazing how friendships and relationships work. We can go long periods of time without seeing each other or really talking but the moment we do it’s as if no time has passed. I am truly blessed with amazing friends.
She took some absolutely adorable pictures of me on a little creek we found by the side of the road so I decided to share them with y’all.

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

Now on to the present: February of 2020!

I have no idea how we are already a month in to the new decade, the Roaring 20’s are already underway!! Speaking of, the “roaring 20’s”, that was the theme of my senior prom. Talk about nostalgia, seeing that my school for practicum is doing the same theme for their prom this year. Maybe I’ll add a photo from that night, it was a lot of fun…

• 

• 

On Friday I spent the whole day at my school for practicum (7 am to 3:15pm) It was a looooong day but so rewarding. I got to meet all of the classes I will be seeing on A days (they are on a A/B block schedule) and I love the kids already. They are juniors in APUSH and so many of them are wicked smart. I am so glad that I decided to persue my dream of becoming a teacher. Seeing these kids’s faces light up when discussions get going is amazing, seeing some of them smile when I compliment them on something they’ve done right just warms my heart! I am excited to spend the rest of the semester with them.

The In Between Times

I am swamped with studying! Choosing to take 18 credits (6 classes) this semester has really brought the challenge on! By Tuesday I have to have read a Young Adult fiction novel for my Literacy class, a Spanish vampire novel called “Vlad” by Carlos Fuentes for my Spanish literature class, three books of the Iliad for my Ancient Greek Civilization class and of course a few chapters of my three different education textbooks as well. So it’s safe to say I will be doing tons and tons of reading this semester.

I love going to school but it can be emotionally, physically and mentally draining. While going to school full time, I also work at the Library (15 hours a week) and try to substitute teach on Fridays, basically going going going all week with a break on Sundays. We are two weeks into the semester and I am struggling with my course load, I know I will be okay and power through it, it just happens to be a lot to do with little time to get things done.

And The Bad Times (or Meh Times)

Going to school, working and teaching with not only a chronic illness but mental health problems and learning liabilities can be rough. Not impossible, but there are times where I just want to lay down and cry for a solid 10 minutes (Ain’t nobody got time for that).

I fear what the future will hold, how well my body will hold up to teaching every day for 7+ hours, with all that comes along with that. I have talked to a few different teachers who have some similar things (I haven’t really met any teachers with Chronic illnesses like mine but I know you are out there).

The number one thing I seem to be struggling with recently is fatigue. My body is exhausted. It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get, I wake up tired. I get through my days and do my best to be awake and functional but sometimes I just have to rest. Which can be a struggle when you are trying to juggle school, work, homework and social lives (what social life?). I know it is a combination of my disease and medications that leads to fatigue. Isn’t it great how our diseases have symptoms like memory fog, exhaustion, fatigue, etc and then our medications have side effects along the same lines…

With school I am not only battling my chronic illness but also ADHD, which I have not spoken about too openly before now. In my opinion, it is not shameful to talk about what we have going on with ourselves, if anything it humanizes us to others. We all struggle and have things going on, no one is perfect. Those who seem perfect and put together have just learned the art of showing that side of themselves. Unfortunately, I am an open book. I decided long ago that I would not let my disease and disability hinder me or hold me back. I will not hide behind it or let it define my life, however, I do recognize that because of these things I have to do things slightly differently than others. Something that is 100% okay but not talked about very often or openly.

• 

• 

Multitasking, ADHD and Working with Our “Problems”

Doing something differently than others doesn’t mean how you are performing the task is wrong, it is just different. Because of my ADHD I have to read and do my studying differently than others. For my I study best when I am watching a movie or TV show as background noise. I know that sounds wild or unbelievable but that is just how my brain works. I found that using TV shows like the Office, Parks and Rec, baking shows and some reality TV help me to study the best. I am able to relax into my studying but keep my concentration because of the other stimuli. Now for others watching TV or a movie while studying is the EXACT OPPOSITE of being productive. One of my roommates prefers music without lyrics to study too, another friend of mine requires silence or very very quite areas.

I have been doing the watch a movie and study method for YEARS. I know it is not traditional and most educators (including every teacher I have had with the exception of one) believe that it is impossible for students to multitask. I understand this belief and the science that backs it but this is something I have been able to do for literally about 15 years.

When I was in second grade my teacher noticed that while she was teaching the lesson I tended to be reading my own stuff or playing with toys (that I snuck into my desk). When she would call on me to answer a question about what we had been doing she was surprised to find out that I had been paying attention to what was going on while I was doing my own work. She kept doing this for a while until she realized that I was truly reading my own stuff AND paying attention to what was going on. She was the first and only teacher to realize that about me and let me use it to my advantage. I can even remember I once tested my multitasking skills by listening to an audio book while reading a different book…now that was fun.

Now days I mostly multitask at work. Someone will be talking to me but I will look like I am engrossed in my computer or reading but I am actually holding up a full conversation while typing my essay. And honestly, this was something I thought most people did. That they too would watch movies and read at the same time or watch movies and do homework.

Obviously there are good and bad traits to thing like ADHD. My being able to study while doing other things is great but it also hinders me because it makes it harder to study at work where I cannot watch TV or a movie. It also may look like it is easy for me to just sit down and power through a 10-15 hour study session but that usually occurs because of procrastination due to executive dysfunction (what a fun thing to have ain’t it). Also with studying I have to be in the “right” environment, I honestly struggle to study during the day, I do my best in the afternoons to night times. Which is why I don’t work late. Night is when I do my studying and all of that because during the day my brain has decided its time to do literally anything else.

ADHD has wild quirks that sometimes can make life fun and even helpful, like when I hyper focus on studying and will sit unmoved for 15 hours while studying for an exam. However it also has some pretty annoying and problematic things as well:

• Impulsiveness
• Disorganization and problems prioritizing
• Poor time management skills
• Problems focusing on a task
• Trouble multitasking
  • this one is fascinating because I actually do struggle with other types of multitasking
  • studying is probably the only thing that I can do but it takes a lot of concentration
• Excessive activity or restlessness
• Poor planning
• Low frustration tolerance
• Frequent mood swings
• Problems following through and completing tasks
• Hot temper
• Trouble coping with stress

Final Thoughts

Basically what I am trying to get at in this very long post that I am writing instead of doing my homework (see like I said I struggle to study at work). Is that there are good days, bad days and in between days with everything. Some days I am able to function quite well with my hoard of chaos that is my brain and body. Other days I am just lucky to make through in one piece.

This blog has become a place for me to voice my thoughts on the things that are happening to me and have happened in the future. I apologize if my post seem to be “ranting” or complaining. We all need an outlet for our frustrations and writing happens to be a decent one for me.

Thank you to those who are so supportive of me and of this blog it truly means so much!